Unfriending Facebook

Facebook, I’m unfriending you. It’s not you, it’s me. No, it’s you. You’re too clingy. Constantly reminding me of my Memories, it’s like hanging out with my college buddies or my Mom (“Remember that time when…”) And saying “We care about you and your memories” every time just sounds simultaneously touchy-feely and insincere. Do you really care I ate a burrito six years ago and for some reason decided to share it with everyone?

Honestly, you’re a bit of a nag. Like with the Suggested Pages. Maybe you’d like this page. Or this one. Or this one. Leave me alone.

And I think you’re beginning to take me for granted. Every time I post a photo via Instagram, you tell me to write a review on it. How about saying “please”?

I do appreciate how you’ve introduced/reintroduced me to my friends. And I don’t mind baby pics, pet pics, work pics, but the political stuff makes me reach for the unfollow button (I don’t see the point of follow, but unfollow is indispensable until they add a no-Fox-News filter).

So I’ve stopped checking Facebook on my laptop. I still check Facebook on my iPhone and iPad, but that means I check it less often and not while I’m working, but when I’m doing something useless, like eating lunch or standing in line. And when I do check it, I only check it briefly. I don’t know if it’s the screen size or the handheld nature of using an app or the minimal-attention-span nature of using a handheld device, but I just check notifications and maybe scroll down the feed just a bit to see that latest.

Part of that is due to the app design. Some features are just missing, e.g., the app tells me about new comments on an album, but it doesn’t show those comments. One welcome deliberate omission is Messenger-now that it’s a separate app that I don’t install, I don’t have to deal with chat. All those “Is it done, yet?” Skype messages at work (they should create an app that only sends is-it-done-yet messages and call it an Enterprise edition), have soured me on IM.

I can’t quit you. I have too many high school classmates on Facebook whom I’m otherwise never recognize at a reunion (if I ever get around to attending one). But after years of this dysfunctional relationship where I’m complaining about you while still constantly checking on you and posting, I think we need some time apart. At least until after the election.